Hmm.

I overheard a girl talking about a documentary she had seen, about Thai women who leave Thailand in order to find a Western husband. She said something a la "a real mother wouldn't leave her children like that" (there's a mother in the documentary living in Denmark who haven't seen her son for one or two years).

.. Are you kidding me? "A real mother"? You spoiled fuck. Yes, it would be pretty damn optimal if mothers didn't leave their children, but do you really think that they do it for fun or because they want to? Most people in the West are so fortunate that they tend to forget that other countries, for example Thailand, doesn't have the same standards. Heh. It's sad when people take things for granted..

Anyway. Back to the "awful" Thai mothers who leave their kids. Sure, thinking back when it comes to my pre-Denmark childhood sucks. Why? Because I had no idea who my mom was. People get a bit shocked when they hear that, and sure it would have been nice to have been a kiddo with my mom around - but she did it for me. The reason why she weren't a "real mother who is around", is because she worked non stop in a factory in the outskirts of Bangkok, in order to earn money, so I could have an okay life. 

Someone once asked me "why didn't she just get a job in Isaan so she could be close to you?" Uh.. My mom earned ca. 117 (usually a bit more though) dollars a month where she worked. That's not a lot - especially if you have to send back money to 4-5 family members in Northeast. And that job was in Bangkok. Jobs in Isaan are shit compared to jobs in Bangkok. So.. A job with almost no pay in a poor region or a job with better pay in another region? Do the math. Idiot. Anyway. She worked and lived in the factory and I thought my grandparents were my parents since I grew up with them and never saw my mom. Boom. There.

Okay. I'm getting slightly passive-aggressive now, but spoiled farang people who automatically assume a mother can't be anything but a bad mom if she's away from her kid for a few years is pissing me off! Get it, not everyone are as lucky as people in the West. 

I haven't talked with my mom for a long time now, but that doesn't change the fact that I'm grateful for what she has done. She went to a country where she didn't know anyone, couldn't speak the language etc, in order to marry a man she had met through an newspaper ad saying something a la "young Thai woman seeking husband". Sure, that sounds a bit ridiculous, but that was a huge sacrifice from her side. She had no idea who she would end up with (luckily it was Lars, my reclusive, awkward, antisocial but awesome dad), but she still did it - for me. So I could grow up and have the opportunities she never had.

Some people tend to laugh a bit or ridicule Thai/farang couples, where the woman is way younger than the husband, but well, most people are stupid fucks, I guess. They wouldn't make fun of it, if they knew how big of a bitch real poverty can be. It's about survival and about TAKING A FUCKING CHANCE IN LIFE. 

Since when has that been a bad thing? 

I would probably have slaved away my youth in some shit factory or worked as a bar girl in Pattaya, if my mom hadn't married Lars. But now I'm still pretty fortunate, even though I'm not in contact with my mom. Like, sure I'm broke - but that's my own fault. But I'm still fortunate enough to be able think "eh, Thamma or Chula university? Which one is good enough for me..". 

Hmpf. My mom once told me that she felt ashamed of herself whenever she saw tourists in Bangkok casually walking around with their kids clad in expensive clothes and walking around with expensive toys. She wanted the same for me, but she just couldn't afford it. 

Or, at least not until she met Lars. It's scary how spoiled I am (were?). Like, I asked my mom for an apartment in Bangkok, and got one ASAP. And I've never ever paid for a plane ticket to Thailand myself. Either they've been free or almost free (connections, bitches) or paid by my parents.. Sure I've told people that I've paid for my own tickets, but that's a huge lie. If I've paid for them myself, then it means that my parents wired me cash. 

And the worst thing is that I still take it for granted.. Like, I saw a nice apartment for rent in Bangkok, and I was so close to calling my mom and asking if she wouldn't.. Well, as I said the last time I wanted her to buy me an apartment "but mom! the location is great! it's right across Lumphini park and all the embassies, it's in the best part of Bangkok! You don't want me to live in a slum, do you? .."  Fuck. I am no better than the people I am ranting against. Hmpf.

Anyway. As I said, I'm broke for the moment. Family issues and all. It sucks, but it's good for me to truly broke (I have 4 dollars on my account until the 30th haha.... ha). Like, I used to take so many things for granted - and I still do. But I guess that what I'm trying to say, is that this shit is good for me. I need this.