Hmm.

I overheard a girl talking about a documentary she had seen, about Thai women who leave Thailand in order to find a Western husband. She said something a la "a real mother wouldn't leave her children like that" (there's a mother in the documentary living in Denmark who haven't seen her son for one or two years).

.. Are you kidding me? "A real mother"? You spoiled fuck. Yes, it would be pretty damn optimal if mothers didn't leave their children, but do you really think that they do it for fun or because they want to? Most people in the West are so fortunate that they tend to forget that other countries, for example Thailand, doesn't have the same standards. Heh. It's sad when people take things for granted..

Anyway. Back to the "awful" Thai mothers who leave their kids. Sure, thinking back when it comes to my pre-Denmark childhood sucks. Why? Because I had no idea who my mom was. People get a bit shocked when they hear that, and sure it would have been nice to have been a kiddo with my mom around - but she did it for me. The reason why she weren't a "real mother who is around", is because she worked non stop in a factory in the outskirts of Bangkok, in order to earn money, so I could have an okay life. 

Someone once asked me "why didn't she just get a job in Isaan so she could be close to you?" Uh.. My mom earned ca. 117 (usually a bit more though) dollars a month where she worked. That's not a lot - especially if you have to send back money to 4-5 family members in Northeast. And that job was in Bangkok. Jobs in Isaan are shit compared to jobs in Bangkok. So.. A job with almost no pay in a poor region or a job with better pay in another region? Do the math. Idiot. Anyway. She worked and lived in the factory and I thought my grandparents were my parents since I grew up with them and never saw my mom. Boom. There.

Okay. I'm getting slightly passive-aggressive now, but spoiled farang people who automatically assume a mother can't be anything but a bad mom if she's away from her kid for a few years is pissing me off! Get it, not everyone are as lucky as people in the West. 

I haven't talked with my mom for a long time now, but that doesn't change the fact that I'm grateful for what she has done. She went to a country where she didn't know anyone, couldn't speak the language etc, in order to marry a man she had met through an newspaper ad saying something a la "young Thai woman seeking husband". Sure, that sounds a bit ridiculous, but that was a huge sacrifice from her side. She had no idea who she would end up with (luckily it was Lars, my reclusive, awkward, antisocial but awesome dad), but she still did it - for me. So I could grow up and have the opportunities she never had.

Some people tend to laugh a bit or ridicule Thai/farang couples, where the woman is way younger than the husband, but well, most people are stupid fucks, I guess. They wouldn't make fun of it, if they knew how big of a bitch real poverty can be. It's about survival and about TAKING A FUCKING CHANCE IN LIFE. 

Since when has that been a bad thing? 

I would probably have slaved away my youth in some shit factory or worked as a bar girl in Pattaya, if my mom hadn't married Lars. But now I'm still pretty fortunate, even though I'm not in contact with my mom. Like, sure I'm broke - but that's my own fault. But I'm still fortunate enough to be able think "eh, Thamma or Chula university? Which one is good enough for me..". 

Hmpf. My mom once told me that she felt ashamed of herself whenever she saw tourists in Bangkok casually walking around with their kids clad in expensive clothes and walking around with expensive toys. She wanted the same for me, but she just couldn't afford it. 

Or, at least not until she met Lars. It's scary how spoiled I am (were?). Like, I asked my mom for an apartment in Bangkok, and got one ASAP. And I've never ever paid for a plane ticket to Thailand myself. Either they've been free or almost free (connections, bitches) or paid by my parents.. Sure I've told people that I've paid for my own tickets, but that's a huge lie. If I've paid for them myself, then it means that my parents wired me cash. 

And the worst thing is that I still take it for granted.. Like, I saw a nice apartment for rent in Bangkok, and I was so close to calling my mom and asking if she wouldn't.. Well, as I said the last time I wanted her to buy me an apartment "but mom! the location is great! it's right across Lumphini park and all the embassies, it's in the best part of Bangkok! You don't want me to live in a slum, do you? .."  Fuck. I am no better than the people I am ranting against. Hmpf.

Anyway. As I said, I'm broke for the moment. Family issues and all. It sucks, but it's good for me to truly broke (I have 4 dollars on my account until the 30th haha.... ha). Like, I used to take so many things for granted - and I still do. But I guess that what I'm trying to say, is that this shit is good for me. I need this. 

Pattaya

Kiew

I've been thinking a lot about the bar women I met in Pattaya this summer. I came by the bar they were working by accident, but somehow I ended up staying for hours and hours, talking with them and exchanging stories. 


I told them about growing up in Denmark, never feeling at home anywhere. I love Thailand, and when I think and dream, I do it in Isaan. But sometimes I feel like an outsider, because people look at me differently, when they find out I was raised in a country they haven't even heard of, far far away. A white country.


And they told me their stories and why and how they ended up in Pattaya.


I ended up talking a lot with one of the girls, Kiew - because we're both from Chaiyaphum. She looked pretty sad. But whenever a customer came over, she instantly cheered up, laughing and smiling. 


At one point, I was being pretty blunt. I asked her how it was, to sleep with a man for money. I wanted to hear it from her point of view. Kiew told me she came to Pattaya, in hope of finding a good white man who could marry her and take her with him to a European country, in order to start a new life without poverty. Problem is, the men who come to Pattaya, aren't exactly looking for wives. And the few who does, are surrounded by  tons of bar girls with the exact same dream as Kiew. So the competition for a white man in Pattaya is tough as hell. 


The sad thing about it? Almost all of the bar girls in Pattaya are from Isaan. Home sweet home. Life in Isaan is tough. It's the poorest region of Thailand and there's so many young men and women from Isaan, traveling to either Bangkok or Pattaya, in hope of finding a job (you can't really be anything else than a farmer in Isaan), just to come back a few years later, more confused than ever. 


It's depressing how many Isaan girls who head off to the big cities, thinking they can get work as a maid or a cleaning lady, just to end up as prostitutes. I'm not judging them or anything, it's just sad. But I guess that makes me appreciate what my mom did more than anything right now. If she didn't marry Lars, then I might have been a girl like Kiew right now. 


It's sort of interesting to see how different people of various backgrounds see it. Most Western women I've met, talk about the Thai women as helpless poor mail order brides or bar girls with no self respect. But in Thailand, it has nothing to do with a lack of self respect at all. It's about surviving and earning money to send back to the parents in the village. If you want a good life, then you gotta fight for it. That's just how it is.


Anyway. I find it weird when people assume my mom is a helpless mail order bride. She's one of the bravest women I know. She changed her own life, mine and our entire family's life by coming to a foreign country to marry a man she didn't know. She didn't do it because she was forced to it, but because she was determined to see me grow up with all the opportunities she never had.


So to all you haters. Holla at me when you've tried being in my situation. And by that, I mean being so poor that dinner sometimes consisted of insects and hand caught crabs from the rice fields. Then I might take your respond serious. 




Anyway. It was nice hanging out in Pattaya with Mathias. We met some pretty cool and random people and had a good time sailing a bit, getting drunk every night and what not. But it bothered me a lot that he complained over the hotel we lived in because of the other guests. Bitch plu-eash! We stayed their for free (thanks to my moms awesome connections) and it was 2 minutes from the sea! How can you complain about that?! Listening to him whining made me want to exclaim something a la ''omg lulz go find another hotel with a huge ass pool where you can stay for free then''. 


Other than that, it was great times. I liked being in Pattaya with Mathias. We walked around exploring the city day and night, drank whiskey while swimming in the pool when it got dark and talked about this and that in the hotel room. 

Kiew and a costumer

Kiew and the annoying customer

Kiew and the customer again

One of the bar girls with a farang man.

Mathias looking awkwardly terrified.

Kiew and her best friend

A street vendor

At the beach. Which I'm sure you couldn't figure out.

An Isaan street vendor in the middle of making nam tok

A man trying to sell me underwear

A protective big brother

On our way to an island

Fun times

An abnormally long line of waiting tourists.

Farang having fun

Water, air, city.

Taking a photo of Mathias taking a photo.

Seasick Japanese chicks

Passing a  fancy fishing boat.

A ladyboy

At the beach

Tired man

Mathias

A tired hooker and her sister.

An Isaan woman making me yam dtahle!

Gief me

Mathias and some metal dudes we met at a metal/hard rock bar.

Mee Suk :)

A man and his dog, chillin 

Love

Aww

AWWWWW <333333 X 50000

Kiddo

Some girls promoting a store. 3 woman and a ladyboy.

A Pattaya street.

Cool chicks

Hah, she's in heels!

Amulet man. Because surely 1 amulet isn't enough.

A little girl and a stripper pole... 

Cute and disturbing.

Happy ladyboys & sunset

Nice earring.

Happy kathoey

Man or woman?

Kiew again

It's a trap

Interracial dating and mail order brides

''I'm not racist or anything, but I think you should stick to our own kind. Asian girls with white guys are kinda gross. It looks cheap. I mean, people would probably assume you're a mail order bride or something like that''.

Yup. That's what a girl named An said, when I told her about a date I went on. Heh. I had no idea she was like that. Awkward. First I was like ''uhm.. Wait. What?''. I couldn't even be angry. I was just too surprised. But right now I'm more ''.. AWW HELL NAW WOMAN!!!!'' I mean. Seriously? What the fuck?


How can people still be so ignorant? I grew up in Denmark, so I've heard plenty of stupid comments from morons when I've been out with guys who happens to be paler than me. ''How much did he pay for you''. ''which mail order bride company are you from, haha'' etc. Been there, done that. As I said, I've heard it all. But seriously. What the fuck? 


I honestely don't understand how people can be so against interracial dating. The last time I checked, love doesn't have a color. What is going on here? This is 2011. 2012 is just around the corner. So why is this still an issue?


Anyway. Moving on. As I told you, my mom is one of them who An looks down on so much. She's an mail order bride. And you know what? I'm pretty damn proud of her. I think it's pretty brave that she moved to a country where she didn't know the language or anyone, to marry a man she didn't know - in order to save our family from poverty and so I could grow up with basically all the opportunities she didn't have, when she grew up. 

If my mom didn't marry Lars (I consider him and not my biological dad to be my real father), then I wouldn't have have been so privileged. I mean, I grew up being poor as fuck in Isaan (the poorest part of Thailand). Sometimes we didn't even had enough to eat and my grandparents couldn't afford keeping me in school (elementary school is free, but the books and the uniform isn't).

So I spent my early childhood waking up blasphemously early and helped my grandparents out with the rice harvest (meaning I was catching crabs and small fish in the rice field for our som tam lunch - I was too young to be any good in the rice paddy, when it comes to actual work). 

But then my mom came back to the village with a white husband. Lars. From that point, everything pretty much turned upside down. No more poverty, no more ''walls'' made of woven bamboo.. All that. 

So to all you guys who make fun of mail order brides: try being a poor single mother working in a factory in Bangkok who earns 127 dollars a month, for which you have to support your daughter, parents and a sister living in the other end of the country. When you've done that, then come back. To that time, I might actually take your respond seriously. 

But more importantly, think about how lucky you are, if you're one of the blissfully ignorant ones, who have been making fun of mail order brides, without knowing how hard life can be. 

This is not about victims, but about caring. This is not about trafficking, but about taking a chance in life. This is not about exploitation, but about survival. 

Back in the days. Before ending up in Denmark. Standing in front of my childhood home and looking awesome in my fancy outfit, posing with the rice harvest of the day. Fancy.