ligegyldighed

I'm thinking about dreams right now. Like, there are rules in dreams which you just don't break, even though you have no idea what they are or mean. Something like that.

Great. Just spilled hot chocolate all over my lap. Ok. Moving on.

I wonder why on earth I ended up in the west. Sometimes it feels like a mistake. Don't get me wrong, I'm thankful for everything, but you know, I can't stop thinking about "what if" scenarios etc. Sometimes I feel so lonely here. It's so cold. 

I don't consider myself superstitious or too religious, but at the same time I think a lot about the spirits and the gods my family pray to. I miss Thailand. I miss seeing colored cloths on tree trunks. If the clothes are saffron colored, it means the tree is a holy tree of Buddha and if the cloths are multi colored, it means they are inhabited by a spirit. 

I miss seeing that. I miss listening to my grandparents tales about spirits, gods,  ancestors, etc. There aren't any tales left for me here. I know I'm lucky. I still remember the days where we didn't have anything. Everything is different now. I have too much. 

I went out shopping yesterday. I only spent a little over 1400, so I didn't spent as much as usual, but you know, it was nice. Got a few shoes, a few dresses and whatnot. Walking around with shopping bags full of clothes made me feel.. Satisfied. 

Then I got home and realized that everything is pretty much still shit. Just stared on my phone. Wanted to call my family, but I didn't. Meh.

Forced myself to be all happy when I went out for a few drinks with Malee and some other girls. Oh luls, everyone know me as happy Aphinya. Funny Aphinya. All that shit. If just they knew. But they don't.

Urgh. Why is it so cold? Fuck.