บุญคุณ

Spent my last cash on cameras, plane tickets (yes, plane tickets, back again soon so holler at me - you + me = next week?), film for my instax, normal photo film and whatnot in down town today. I am officially broke until Tuesday. Fuck. FUCK.

First I was like "omg lulz whatever, gonna call motherrrr" but then I realized I had asked her to stop pouring in money in my account, because I felt too privileged. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. What the fuck is wrong with me. "Oh mom, I have way too much money, I can't handle it, so plz stop?" Fuuuuuuuck

Okay, I'm only broke until tuesday, but dayum, this sucks. Anyway, ended up saying "baby, nooo!" to my MasterCard outside a clothing store, when I realized I didn't have enough money to buy what I wanted. Fuck. I actually talked to my MasterCard. What.

And yes, someone caught me talking to my MasterCard. He stared at me, semi scared. I smiled to him (rather awkwardly) to assure him that I'm perfectly normal but meh, I sort of failed at that. Sigh. Aphinya, scaring away guys since the early 90's.

Anyway. Went out for some drinks with a few other Thai girls today. We talked about the usual stuff, our dislike for the majority of humanity, Asian expectations etc.

Asian expectations, huh? I feel brainwashed somehow. Like, I've been taught from an early age that sending money back to my family is just something I do without question it, and even know when I'm (supposed to be) adult, I have a hard time question it. I just do it. Because that is what you're supposed to do, if you're Thai. It's about duty.

Like (one of my favorite words) a Thai girl we didn't know approached us in the restaurant and at first we were like "hey girl heyyyy" and "giiiiirl, where you from, north east??? OMG WE'RE FROM NORTH EAST TOO!!!" but when we realized she couldn't speak one worth Thai and most importantly - Isaan and that she didn't sent any money back home to her grandparents, the sisterhood kinda stopped.. I mean, of course we were still nice to her and we had fun, but it was not the same.

I know I shouldn't judge her, but at the same time it's hard, because I have such a hard time understanding why she can't speak Thai, Isaan and why she doesn't send back any money to her grandparents. First I thought she was adopted, but no. I mean, I would definitely have been able to understand her situation then, but this? I don't get it. I just don't.

It's called บุญคุณ. Bhun khun. You grow up and you work hard and pay back your parents, grandparents etc by.. You know, generally speaking บุญคุณ is what one ends up owing, in an obliging fashion and without regrets or hesitation, to your parents and your better teachers. It may be a bit awkward to translate directly into English, but I don't think the sentiment is difficult to grasp.

Okay okay okay, truth is, I didn't treat the Thai girl who approached us very well, when I found out she knew nothing about her background. She didn't even know what the hell I was talking about when I mentioned som tam. Som fucking tam. How the hell can you be Isaan and not know som tam? Fuck. 

I ignored her afterwards. I didn't say anything to her, but not saying anything was pretty much the same as saying "lol bitch hell naww, you no belong hiiir". I feel bad for having rolled my eyes at her and saying things like "what is she doing here? she's clueless" in Isaan to the other girls right in front of her.

I don't know why I reacted so strongly. Why did I even care, when I normally don't care much at all?


Oh well. I made this:

Homemade Thai food. Yummy x 500000