Monday, February 27, 2012


Got a phone call from Thailand a few days ago. Asian issues. Going home. I don't think I'll be back for a while. Need to sort out all kinds of things.

.. Fuck. I just pulled my duvet over my head and inhaled. For a long time. Then I exhaled. I didn't sob, but I guess it was a close call. I guess I just lost the person who made fall 2011 seem okay. I want to call him and tell him to come over and just. Idk, I just want to talk to him to say that I'm sorry. I had so many chances and I missed them all. So I guess it's time to let go. But you know, it's hard letting go when you know you've been so close to something great.

Sigh. Depressing subject. I hate myself right now. Moving on. Back to Thai issues.

There was an election going on, the last time I was in Thailand. We all had to vote for a new village elder in the village. I didn't know who to vote for, because I haven't really been living in the village since I was a kid. I'm only visiting nowadays. 

My grandpa, who is also a village elder, told me to vote for a guy we were related to. That was my duty, because he's family. One day, a young teacher came over to our villa and talked to my aunts. Then he discretely passed a few hundred of baht's over to my aunt Maow. When he left, I asked my aunts if they were going to vote for him. They laughed and said "of course not, Duean (Moon - my Thai nickname). This is just how Thailand is". True story, unfortunately. 

Anyway. I didn't really know who to vote for, so I ended up just writing "fuck" on my voting list. Yes, very childish. But I refuse to be a part of a corrupt system and I didn't feel like voting for the guy I'm related to, so instead I chose to be childish and write fuck. In 3 languages. Thai, English and Danish. 

But I didn't tell my family that I didn't vote for my distant aunts brothers cousins moms uncles something. Why? Because they wouldn't understand. Like, I tried to ask them about his goals and what he stand for, but all I got was a "what are you talking about, Duean? It is our duty to vote for him. He is family". All the time. Fuck. 

Speaking of duty. That's the reason why I'm going back. They (my family) need me to sort things out and whatnot, because my mom is passing more and more of our houses, land and whatnot over to me, so there's a bunch of things I need to work on. But I'm not sure how I'm supposed to do this without ending up doing what I've tried to avoid. Bribing. 

.. Goddammit. I am still thinking about him. Sigh. I need to get out. And I need some coffee. I wish I could talk to someone. Him. But that's a serious no-go.

Sigh. I'm rather pissed off right now. Like, I didn't mind that some douchebag had stolen my old cellphone a few weeks ago. Because then I could finally get an iPhone (didn't want to throw away my Nokia because it worked just fine). But what happens then? Of course I got a text from him. AFTER my cellphone got stolen. FUCKFUCKFUCK FHE0VJDCOK. 

And now it's too late.

Seriously. I bought a fucking unlocked 64GB iPhone for circa 1080 bucks. And it didn't even fucking come with an app against this shit.

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