Thursday, December 22, 2011


Thanks for burning 99% of all my negatives and photos through 15 years and smashing my cameras. You know I've been having a hard time for the moment, feeling sort of lost, confused and alienated and that the only things that can calm me down, is the photos, my cameras and the negatives. Did burning up all my good memories and the only photos of my biological dad and my family from that side made you feel good? 

Everything seemed so strange, odd and frightening when I came to Denmark as a kid. I couldn't understand the language, it was cold and dark and I missed Thailand. I missed the temples, the monks, the strange animal sounds coming from the woods at night, the deep rain forests, the spiritual world of Thailand. I missed it all. But when Lars handed me a camera, everything became less frightening. Seeing my new surroundings through a lens made it somehow easier for me to cope and move on. So I started snapping photos. A lot of photos. Taking photos became a part of me. 

I've never really cared about much in my life. It doesn't quiet seem like I belong in this world. I smile, I laugh and whatnot, but it's not that I care that much or at all, deep down. But I care about my photos. The negatives are precious to me. And touching the cameras, knowing every single one of their shapes, calms me down. 

So yeah. Thanks for ruining the only fucking thing I've always cared about. I hope you feel good about yourself. I'm not angry, just disappointed. Angry would be me saying "you fucking bitch what the hell is wrong with you, please go kill yourself". But I'm not. So no worries. I'm not gonna say "I wanna fucking rip your head off". 

But at the same time, I wouldn't mine seeing you accidentally getting hit by a car. Multiple times. After someone has poured napalm and agent orange over you. Just sayin. 

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